Thursday, October 23, 2003

Oppo

I have this rare talent for discovering what the deal breaker is and mentioning it within the first thirty seconds. I find people’s insecurities and stamp on them.

I should do opposition research. On chicks in bars.

So while I may have my moments of friendliness, and even extended moments, much more common is basic hostility behind a thin veneer of wit. My hosility is based on a universal love of humanity, which is in turn based on hostility. I feel I can be mean to people because they know I love them. However, I actually don’t.

I need to upgrade my jive. I keep trying to sleep with women by telling them how ugly, stupid, and annoying they are. But that doesn’t mean I don’t like them! I love that kind! Don’t they appreciate my refreshing candor? Fuck them!

However, here’s a good come-on: “I’m an event coordinator, and, baby, you’re the event of the year.” That’s the kind of thing I would say if I was trying to trick people. Instead, I just tell them how ridiculous they are. They will come around eventually.

Sample conversation:

She: “Why should I talk to you? You keep making fun of me!” He: “What do you mean? That’s why you should talk to me! It’s exciting! It’s a challenge!” She: “I don’t want a challenge! I want someone to be nice to me!” He: “You just say that because you’re a —” etc.

In addition, I think I already fucked it up with Nicky. I am a champion.

by Jack, October 23, 2003 3:44 PM | More from Drinking & Women | More from Nicky

Within the Chronology

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5 Comments

who said:

The problem is that you haven't learned how to separate other people from yourself. This is learned by most of us when we are weaned off of our mothers around age 4. It's a painful process, but gets harder with age. Learn it soon please.

Jack said:

Mommy! This person is bothering me!

Learn to wean yourself from AOL, pal.

In Vino Veritas said:

“I’m an event coordinator, and, baby, you’re the event of the year.”

Because you'd like to "coordinate" her? Sounds like something the Queer Eyes for the Straight Guys would do - "We'll coordinate you!"

Meg said:

So, Jack, who is your idiot friend who keeps posting comments that display an undeveloped sense of irony? Inquiring minds want to know.

Jack said:

We've now got two individuals posting abuse from the same name. Will the real shady Meg please stand up? However, all the other fake names seem to be different people. Or one person who travels across America a great deal.

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